Belief

I've been reading some amazing stuff from Bill Johnson, its giving me alot of insight into how God works with the supernatural.

At one point an old mentor of his reminded him of the times before he saw breakthrough, "He said that God has closed up the realm of the miraculous, not as a punishment, but to draw me into the desperation needed to maintain it as a lifestyle once I received the breakthrough. It was a long and painful lesson, but I got it." (Bill in his young life never saw God invade his surroundings with the supernatural, but he believed, contended for it, and now it is a normal part of his church to see people healed and delivered.)

I am tired of determining what I believe by my logic - I cannot rely merely on myself. I am also tired of determining what I believe by what I see or experience. The bottom line of reality is not me or my perceptions but God and His word!!! All throughout the Bible people walked by FAITH. I have stepped into a whole new arena of this in my life as God has challenged me to contend - pray - agree with Him for His will to be done "On earth as it is in Heaven"

Why pray if God already knows and has a will? Because of love and free will. Look at Moses - God wanted to wipe out the Israelites when they sinned - but Moses prayed and God changed His mind. All throughout the scriptures it has become clear to me God has chosen to flow through agreement/partnership with His bride because He loves us. He doesnt "need" me in Nepal or for anything in His kingdom, but He loves me and designed me to be part of His designs.

He promised Id be healthy, Ive experienced a partial breakthrough, but still struggeling. The intensity of the battles show me things are moving in the unseen. The fevers I had last week show me Im getting closer. I want to experience Him as healer so He can flow through me to others as healer.

I walk around and I see the "not yet" here in Nepal, people who say no to His love, the poverty, the brokeness. But I am confident of the unseen - because all Gods promises are as good as present. I choose to see Nepal through eyes of faith.

I still dont have all my support for being here, but I agree with Him, contend, pray, and wait for what is sure to show itself.

Bill J. said sometimes his prayers felt like pushing against an unbudging rock of a thousand pounds, and it never moving. But He said there was victory there because it prepared him to easily move the hundred pound rock beside it, in prayer!

Sometimes I go up on my roof and pray and I "hear" and "feel" nothing. silence. But I am ever confident He hears, He moves at the sound of my voice, and I will agree by faith even if He never gives me the priveledge of seeing breakthrough.

I understand because I believe, I dont believe because I understand.

I move forward in prayer and faith even when the only anchor I have is His word, and the darkness of the "not yet" stretches out before me.