I want to remamber, to keep the main thing, the main thing...

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. - Ps. 27

"Unto Me"

This morning God brought a memory to mind and really convicted me. I thought it was a noteworthy story that I wanted to journal.

In Cambodia my team had a little sunday tradition - after attending the International Church's evening service we would head across town to our favorite Indian restraunt. There is nothing like a hot plate of rice & curry among dear friends! Afterwards we usually went grocery shopping, seeing as the store was a street over from the restraunt. With our bellies pleasantly full we would pick up our groceries and head home. In front of this particular grocery store there was a number of regular beggars. They would be very persistant with their requests and insisting bantor, pricking the conscience. (It was always a great difficulty to me knowing how to wisely respond to requests for money and food.) It was easy being tired and having a full stomach, to brush them off, rush into the store, and get home.

I remember one such evening I handed my styrofoam left-overs container to an old guy, figuring he would want my cheese nahn and rice more than I.

But this morning, remembering the verses about Jesus saying "I was hungry and you fed ME..." I realized, I gave Jesus my leftovers. Right after singing about His love, standing in a clean, sterile, sanctuary, holding a comforting hymnal in my hands and mouthing the familar words - I filled my belly, and then gave my Lord my leftovers.

I just cried about this for awhile and I feel like Im waking up - Im getting it - being a Christian is simple - if I love God, then I love others... ecs. the marginalized and forgotten. If not, then I simply do not know Him. The true Jesus, the Jesus of Nazareth from the Bible is one who is found in the gutter, among the poor, and if I want Him, I will go to them and hold them close.

If I had the grocery scene to do over again, I would take that old guy into the Indian restraunt with me and buy him whatever dinner he wanted. (Yes I did do this many times, but Im recounting my failures as a illustration that I am learning how to truly love Jesus)

God's nearness in Service & Community

Some mornings when Im sitting here curled up with a piping cup of coffee, I wonder if Im close to God. If I dont feel that I am, I get confused, tired, or scared. So I was thinking about that today... Scriptures about the near-ness of God keep coming to mind, and I think the Spirit of God is trying to tell me something simple but profound.

I realize that my relationship with God, is indeed, a real relationship. And God didnt fashion me to know Him through ecstacies and fireworks 24/7. He knows my finite frame. When I stop and think about it, that would be very exhausting to have friendship with God be some mystical utopia every moment. (I feel like youth group retreats and mission trips in highschool set me up with a wrong sort of thinking with God. People act like your not "spiritual" unless you have crazy experiences and feelings with God alot. So what AM I looking for when I go to Him? To "feel" fire works - or just to be in His presence, look upon Him in His word, and listen?) I remind myself that God is a person, I am a person, and this is a real relationship not a rollarcoaster ride. Im glad He wants to just BE with me, when Im walking down the street, doing the dishes, or busy at work. Any moment I can turn my attention back to remember He is very, very near to me. So I dont have to ever feel discouraged if Im not "feeling" something spectacular when I set aside time to talk with God. If anything it is an encouragement that me and Jesus are just sharing life together, no matter what I feel.

And I am finding God in two new ways. These days I see him strengthening the disciplines of service and community. I spend most of my time either working, or with friends. Of course I still wake up and read my bible, but I realized something... one day I was walking to work talking to God, and wishing I didnt have to go to work so I could have a longer quiettime...and the Psalm 100 has come to mind "Serve the Lord with gladness." So I remember that through every person I serve as a waitress, I am actually loving Jesus. Also, being deeply emmersed in the Campus Crusade community I find that I am closer to God although I spend less time alone with Him - as knowing and being known - sharing life intimantly with others- helps me know God. This is a good place I am in, I am happy to be growing...

I am the poor

This morning I began Chris Heuertz's book. (He is the director of WordMadeFlesh, an org. that serves the world's most vulnerable poor - the group I have the priviledge of being a part of this spring in Nepal.)

I was expecting "nothing new" to be honest. When I skimmed the content page I figured it was going to be a nice re-cap of other books I've already read. But I have to admit that one chapter in, I was hooked with big tears rolling down my cheeks.

Chris recounted stories of suffering in Calcutta, India when he helped one of Mother Theresa's homes for the dying. As he described the pain he saw, it automatically touched the deepest places of my heart - triggering images I witnessed from gutters around the world. Heuertz reminded me that we are all, in essence, the poor. Regardless of what sort of car we drive or if we have an iphone; we are all poor. Because all human beings are hungry for the presence of the loving God who created them - and apart from His love we are reduced to begging. Its like the poor I interacted with every day in Cambodia, they extended their palms, gesturing toward their bellies and open mouths - crying out to be fed. So also do I walk around with my palms out asking for love, purpose, and affirmation unless I run into the loving Presence that made me. And this simple identification between me & the poor - is so clear. And even clearer is the fact that if I truly know Jesus and love Him, I will then love others with the same love, which is why I want to serve the poor around me and in Nepal. Jesus affiliated Himself with the poor in Matthew, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

I am eager to learn from the poor. I am eager for my contemplative ways to be tempered with "active" prayer, actions of love and service. I am aching that more and more I would get out of the prayer room and be the prayer among the vulnerable...

Nepal, boots, winemaking

My latest interests include:

learning about wine making and bottling! (yesterday I went over a friends house where we got to taste test a whole batch for levels of sweetness, and then bottle it. I prefer the dry as always, and we were sent home with some of the fruit of our labors. good times!)

I have started really enjoying icecream. Most of my life for some odd reason I didnt really like the stuff, and now Ive discovered it to be really quite enjoyable. Strawberry cheesecake is the best ever. My housemates and I have trouble shutting our little freezer because we all like icecream.

There is some certain fancy boots with brass buttons in the mail thanks to my awesome and generous family.

And lastly..... its official that I am going to NEPAL next spring for a 4 month trip. Hooray!!! (which means that this blog will soon become more streamlined for more public audiences as I share my vision with friends this fall.)