A Few Stories...

Ill hold off on the post a/b solidarity because,

I've been wanting to tell a few stories...

At the place where I volunteer, I met a young nepali girl one afternoon. She came into the baby room to visit with my "deedee" (nepali for auntie - what you would call an older woman here - the woman who is the fulltime caregiver for the babies) She is a beautiful Nepali girl, with a quick laugh and cheerful face. I felt like she was my little sister right away, and we began to chat. Since she is 13, she learned english in school and so it was easy to quickly get into an in depth conversation. I had been sitting there with my Bible, praying, so we started talking about Christianity. We talked about the gospel story and it was beautiful seeing the astonishment in her eyes - hearing it for the first time! When I told her Jesus took our place in His death, for all the bad things we've done - so we can know God - she said, "O! He is so kind!" by the end of the conversation we also talked about her family. She shared about the struggles her parents face with addiction and I told her Jesus was the true way to freedom - and we prayed for them.

Then she said "I think... I also want to become Christian!" I was suprised and really excited about the tenderness of her heart and simple faith, but I also wanted her to clearly understand that following Jesus, means everything. I told her it was a life decision, meaning we give Him our all without going back, because He gave His all for us. I used the nepali word for "expensive" as if going to the market to buy something very very costly. Tears filled her eyes and she understood this choice would set her apart from her family's Hinduism completely, and it would mean a new life in Jesus. I told her to think it over and talk to me the next week. I didnt want her to make a hasty decision based on emotions or without counting the cost.

For some reason the next week I didnt see her, and weeks later I sadly wondered if it was a one time meeting. But I had continued to pray for her and her family - and before I went to India she came into my room again! Her face was bursting with joy and she told me, "That day, after we talked... that night, I believed. I prayed. And I am Christian." And not only that, but she shared that she has a christian girlfriend her age, who has been taking her to church. God has already given her the shelter of a Christian community to begin this new journey with.... amazing! She also wants to share with her family, and we are praying for them! Since then I have only gotten to see her a time or two, even though we planned to , but I know she is in the Lord's hands... I am continually amazed at the simple receptiveness the nepali people have to Jesus - many have never heard, and when they do they are willing to give their all to follow Him.

Another story: John.

One day I was walking down the hill home and saw a guy coming toward me on a bike. What made me notice him was the guitar on his back, culry hair (which is unusual for a nepali) and the funny way he jerked his head to the side. I turned around and stared at him going up the hill, thinking "That guy was interesting" and then thought nothing of it again. The next day I was walking up the hill, early morning, on my way to volunteering... lo and behold the same young man passes me on his bike! This time as soon as I passed him, I very clearly felt the Holy Spirit impressing on me to pray with him for healing of his neck!

Since Gods been taking me on this journey of trusting Him for healing - now its beginning to leak out to people around me. I cant keep it to myself. Ever since I agreed with God weeks back that He was protecting me, He has enabled me to stand up in faith and I am walking in health. I had a few tests but Im standing. I am now experiencing the promise because I have chosen to receive it by faith - and so what we have received, we can give away in authority!

When God asked me to pray for him on the hill - It was one of those moments where I wanted to say no, brush it off as my own thoughts, and keep going. It would be unusual for me to approach a man here on the street, and it would also be unusual for I was on my way to work. But it was so strong I couldnt keep walking, I knew the Lord was speaking.

So I went over and started hiking up the hill next to him while he was walking his bike. We introduced ourselves - his name was John. Then we made casual smalltalk in Nepali for a bit, then I asked him if his neck was hurt. He didnt explain the injury but said it was indeed painful. I told him I serve a God that heals, His name is Jesus, and would he like prayer? Suprisingly he was more than open, and very eagerly excited to ask God about his neck. He said "I am very very glad to have run into you, that this happened, that we could pray!!" Sitting down on the side of the muddy street, we talked about Jesus. John said he used to be Hindu but turned away from it a while back, and now he doesnt follow any sort of religion. He knows a few christians, because there are many in his family. I asked him if he believes that Jesus indeed can heal, and wants to heal his neck. (because I know our experiencing God is based on faith - Im not talking about working up some sort of emotion but a simple choice to believe or not to) John said "yes! I believe He can!" so we prayed. I felt the Lords presence with us and knew Gods intention was to heal him! So I asked him if he senced any difference in his neck, and John began to move his neck smoothly back and forth! He said, "The pain is going down as your praying!" I was so excited, but just then he had to hop on his bike to work because he was already late. It was a brief encounter but I knew that God had set me up. Afterwards I walked to work so overwhelmed with God's greatness I was praying alloud, oblivious to the crowds. I cried out to God that John would know Jesus! That he would be totally healed as a testiment of Gods power! That God would raise him up in Nepal as a mighty musician for the kingdom! That John would be a living testimony that God is a healer! Amen!

John wanted me to stay in touch, and I was wondering after India how he was doing. I had been praying so hard for weeks that his healing would be complete, and he would understand it was Jesus alone who healed him. Sadly I realized a few days ago that I had lost the peice of paper he scrawled his phone number on, and didnt know what to do! So I prayed, "God if you want me to see John again, somehow help me to find him." Its a very big city, and I walk through crowds everyday - but God is God. Sure enough, last week I was walking home (down a completely different route on a different road) and John zips by me on a motorcycle! Emmediatly I recognized him and flagged him down. We got the chance to talk again, and he said the coming weekend he was going to go to church with his Christian uncle! And he also said "Since we prayed - my neck has been 75% better!!" Praise God!! I told Him God wants to completely heal him - so I will relentlessly continue to pray for him!!!

Its funny the church calls healing and that sort of thing "supernatural." My team was talking about this phrase the other day - doesnt it seem more appropriate in the kingdom of God to call it "natural." ?! The more I see of Jesus, the more I see He is a liberator - healer - deliverer - freedom fighter. And when things come in order under His kingship, its normal for peoples bodies to be well, for hearts to be mended, and the captives run free! I feel like if I spent ten minutes in heaven, then went back to earth I would walk around seeing in new eyes and see the way things were meant to be.

What exactly am I doing here....?!

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has annointed me to bring good news to the poor..." (Isa. 61:1, beginning of my life verses)

So, in India and Nepal I have served the poor alongside many "volunteers" from around the globe. Some are believers, most are not. We have all come together for this common purpose and it has raised many questions... (bear with me, this may be a long post)

What separates a believer's service to the poor, from the unbeliever's?

It seems anyone can serve the poor - give food to the hungry, bandage wounds, even show them care by being with those who have been cast off and forgotten. Many unbelievers do this well, even Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims. All over the earth I hear a cry for justice arising and people are stepping up to answer it. "Justice" has become a buzzword. These issues are getting trendy with Bono, ONE campaign, celebrities adopting; it seems everyone's joining the bandwagon...

Which raises another question: What exactly do the poor really NEED, what is the solution?

Is it merely for their physical needs to be met, or for human affection - lonliness to be cured and dignity to be restored? If so, it seems these things can be done by anyone.

Why then has Jesus called me, as a believer, among the poor? If I am to give all my life to this, I must know the answer.

So..... pondering all these things has spurred much prayer, study, and discussions. I dont have all the answers yet but some are crystal clear.

To find the answer to poverty, we must go back to the beginning - the root cause. I was discussing the "cause of poverty" with a friend I met in Kolkota, and we were standing beside a big tree, with gnarly roots winding into the earth and branches stretching above us. If that tree represented poverty, each branch could be a part of the problem - distribution, sex trafficking, addictions, corrupt government... and the list goes on. But we must dig deeper than that, down to the core, the root, which is simply sin itself. We live in a fallen world, and poverty is the result of man's separation from God. So I conclude the answer is Christ alone.

"Christ alone?" some may question... offended because they think this would cause me to begin handing out tracts while forgetting to fill bellies and care for the sick. Offended because this means that unbelievers do not actually have the thing the poor need most.

Im not in any way putting down the works of justice being done by unbelievers - I have to hand it to them, that they are doing more than the majority of the church today!! Their works demonstrate God's kingdom ways in part, but not the whole.

Im also not saying abandon the physical care of the poor. Dont let the pendulum swing too far! More often than not, doing these things are the very doorway to sharing Christ. Their cannot be any separation - if we speak the truth to someone we must be the message - which includes caring for the body and soul. But I simply believe that if poverty is ultimantly a spiritual problem, than Christ is enough to fully and completely bring healing - in all spheres. He came and died for our sins, rising again that restoration with God is possible. And He left His Spirit to fill believers empowering them to carry out His work on earth, until He returns to restore all things.

If our mission to the poor is merely material/relational, than we fall short of the glory of the kingdom. Yes God wants the hungry fed, the sick bandaged, the lonely visited - for as we do to the least of these we are doing unto Jesus. But Im convinced we are called to MORE. All these problems are a result of sin; so are we to merely comfort the affects of sin in the world - or radically allow the kingdom to flow through us and bring transformation?

Thus what separates the believer from the unbeliever's service among the poor - is the work of the Holy Spirit. (Isa. 61:1) We are not called to just comfort the sick, but heal the sick. To not just come alongside the man struggeling with addiction but to offer deliverance and freedom. To not just feed bellies but fill souls. To not just be with the poor - but also offer them JesusChrist the restorer! We are the very ambassadors of Heaven, revealing heaven on earth.

These are weighty statements. Statements which hold me accountable to more than what Ive been experiencing in Nepal. These statements evoke a cry for MORE in me, a desperate desire to see the kingdom of God break in, here in Nepal, in power, and even that I would be such a vessell. For Jesus said, "The kingdom of God is within you." His leadership must first be manifest in my heart, to flow through me. A weighty task, a weighty responcibility, but one that He will not fail to do if I agree.

This means that I am not satisfied simply coming alongside the poor in their suffering, or meeting their needs - but that I want to offer them true and sustainable, lasting, hope - JesusChrist. He longs to be king of their hearts, bringing restoration - and He is king of the earth, coming soon to restore all that once oppressed them.

Since this brings in a responcibility for me to BE and SPEAK the truth, in His grace. This offends some, even believers - because verbally witnessing or allowing the Holy Spirit to demonstrate the kingdom can be offensive. But I am not talking about force.

The incarnation revealed God as One who voluntarily became weak - unto death - to offer Himself that we may choose love. The free will of humanity is our most sacred separation from the rest of creation. Jesus's power had no need to prove Himself - He has all power, He is love, He is the answer, His name is the great I AM. Satan's kingdom is one of showy masquerading, manipulating for control, demanding aligiance by force - the exact opposite of the kingdom of God. (Examine the temptation of Christ to see this displayed) Christ revealed the kingdom in humility, hiddeness, meekness, voluntary weakness, and ultimantly love - sacrifice - even dying for us - that we may see Him and choose love. His power was so awesome, when He healed, sometimes He even told the person not to tell anyone else. In the same way I am called to demonstate Christ among the poor - revealing the kingdom of God - in voluntary weakness. I can only do this in the power of the Holy Spirit, and grace, or I will fail.

(So, speaking of voluntary weakness - stay tuned for a post about "solidarity with the poor")

Ive been ruined for one quest...

If God has already given us the full measure of His Spirit, than really what we experience is dependant on our end of the relationship. Our experience of Him is dependant on our choice, our AGREEMENT with Him, and the ways of His kingdom. We only have as much of God as we want, or ask for...

I am asking for MORE. I am not interested in theories, concepts, dead doctrines. People dont get married for the idea of their spouse, or for the concept of marriage - they get married for love - for interaction by covenant with a PERSON.

Asking for more, comes with cost, misunderstanding from others, and faith. Bring it on.

back home...

Its good to be back. man i geuss we reallydo have a place in the neighborhood - as soon as we walked down our alley at 9 at nite there was a crowd to greet us and ask all about the trip. The next morning when I went to buy corn on the side of the road by our bridge, the lady selling asked me when I got back from India! haha! I think I only said hello to her a few times, crazy huh?

Its sweet to be with my nepali family again, and tough too. Sharing life with them Ive had my eyes opened a little to the struggles of the poor. I have 3 sisters around my age, an older brother, and mother. (Father is passed away) Two of the sisters have office jobs, and the youngest is training for a sewing job. The whole family lives off of these two incomes, in a small home. Recently they decided to add onto their house, and took a loan from the bank. Since then things have been tense, and my brother is pretty stressed out most of the time. Last nite all he said to me was hello and that was it. Its a struggle to see their desperation for money and the question of paying off their bills, how, and the future's uncertainty... I have found I cannot say "Its ok" because I honestly dont know if things will be ok for them. All I can do is pray and offer them the love of Jesus - who will not necessarily fix all their problems, but will save their souls and bring them into the kingdom if they are willing. My prayer is that their pain would cause them to see the gods they light the incense and ring the bell to every nite, do not answer, do not give hope, do not deliver... only Yahweh, the true God.

Ive found I cannot change anyone, only unconditionally love, pray, and in His grace pray to live and speak the truth.

India

India was indescribable, & by far one of my favorite travels! We took a jeep to the border (packed full of nepalis, one of whom was throwing up out the window haha) and the train down to kolkota. travelling days i could be found sleeping in the most random places - on top of a cardboard box, a bench, a train bunk, the ground...

Kolkota is an old city - crammed full of people, with streets jammed with crowds, taxis, and rickshaws. The old feel of the city had a nostalgic romantic sence to me, with bright colored paints faded from monsoon rains and peeling off every wall. You could see the influence of the British colonization everywhere, like east meeting west; imagine women in bright saaris standing in front of brick buildings with shutters while 50's style yellow taxis cruise down the street! It was a diverse place of contrasts and beauty. The gap between the rich and poor was much more notable than in kathmandu. On one hand you would see beggars sleeping on the street, and then run into well dressed wealthy indians while riding the metro trains underground.

We got the priveledge of serving at Mother Theresa's homes, which I posted about. I dont have pictures from there, or much of the poor of Kolkota... because Im struggeling to capture glimpses with my camera while still protecting the dignity of persons I encounter. I wouldnt want someone clicking away photos of me if I was suffering on my deathbed or begging on the street... so I rarely take pictures of these precious people. at least not without their consent.

We also got the chance to the hospitality of some of our staff down there, and tour a few amazing businesses providing freedom for women who have been in the trade. We learned about kolkota's red light district - how women and children are kidnapped and sold from india and nepal into this dark prison. Even young girls are enslaved, standing along this street in a line, waiting for their next customer. (Which is why prostitution in this city is called "working the line") But I saw hope and freedom for these beloved, through businesses that provide a means of earning money with dignity. Some women can choose to leave the trade, depending on their relationships with the pimp - others are completely trapped. I was deeply moved with the reality of this injustice and I challenge you to know your prayers and involvement could mean life or death for these women and children. I was reminded once again of the Lord's soon return and the sureness of His kingdom coming - He will not fail to bring justice - lets join Him now!

It was a good trip. I loved serving the poor down there and seeing Jesus in them. I loved drinking chai out of a clay pot and then smashing it on the ground. (as is the custom) The sweltering heat reminded me of my time in Cambodia, and it was good. For the first time I started liking the color blue (seemed like it was everywhere - paint, jewelry, clouds) and eating onions raw with roti and rice!

The trip sparked dreams in me, dreams of my future, dreams of the great things God can do through His people. He will only do through us what we agree, or believe Him for. God made me to be a vessell overflowing with His love, He made me for great things! I am learning to shoot for the stars, dream big, pray bigger, and worship my mighty Lord!

Sisters of Charity

Past two days we've spent serving at Mother Theresa's sisters of charity. We've gone to the home of the dying and a home for the disabled.

holding an old womans tiny frame today, was almost like holding a child. the aged, skin covered bones, with old injuries -healed out of joint - bulged beneath the skin... she looked up at me, into my eyes, crying out, while i swabbed her open sores... i cried too. i wondered about her life on the street, before the sisters found her. i wondered why her injuries hadnt healed right, why she had sores, where her family is.

i think ive felt more connected to humanity, than ive ever been before, lifting up bodies and seeing people in their most desperate state - dying- without even the ability to meet their own basic needs. life, death, humanity, and God, all in a few days.

i could see myself in them. sometimes they would cry or laugh and i knew they were no different than me. why wasnt i born paralyzed or in a slum?

i often wept past few days out of pity & out of compassion.. but more i wept out of admiration for them, that they smile, have dignity, even while im taking off their soiled garments, changing bedpans, spoon feeding rice, and cleaning wounds.

i also wept because i was holding Jesus, as Mother Theresa described, in His "distressing disguise" of the poor. Why I have the priveledge and honor of touching His body is sheer grace.

During the time of Adoration Prayer, we sat with the sisters at the end of the day. the red candles flickered in their glass holders under Jesus on the cross. Silence.

I thanked God im in India. If anything these people ministered to me. I sat on those beds, held those hands, looking into their eyes, knowing they were not asking me for anything - but to simply BE me and to let them, be them. to love, because of jesus. THIS is my purpose. I wasnt born to climb a ladder of sucess or prove my existance. I dont need perfect hair or a billion friends... because all God wants is for me to be me, and to love others in the same relentless way. maybe these realizations are part of growing, part of simply letting God love me.

India

We're in India! Day before yesterday we took a looong jeep ride winding through mt. roads to the border, and spent the nite there. Falling asleep sticky with sweat and slapping misquitoes, I thought about half the population of Kolkota that doesnt have that priveledge - a room - a place to rest. I thought about the girls who are trafficked across the border I would be crossing the next day, trading their families and innocence goodbye to be forced into slavery. I thought about soon seeing Mother Theresa's home, and the impact one woman's compassion has had on the world. Yesterday on the train, gazing at the yellow moon hanging heavy over India, I prayed...

all my prayers add up to a ceaseless longing... a zeal... to be who God made me to be, nothing more, nothing less. To love and be loved - hard - with all my might - for His glory. To say yes to Jesus' love, and to love Jesus with all Ive got - and leave a mighty tidal wave of justice and love in back of me...

hopp'n a train

Well friends, early tomorrow morning we're gone. Im going to hop a train to India!

please remember to pray for our safety, health, and that the light and love of Jesus would shine through us!! pray we would learn from and encourage our friends there also. thanks!

MORE

(on my roof last night..... over looking the twinkling city lights stretching out before me)

"More, God, more.....MORE GOD!" the past 23 years I have barely begun to understand and experience the fullness of His love like I was created to. I am not just talking about some kind of false spirituality - looking for a high - I am asking for, authenticity.

I want to "get it" deep down. I was made to gaze on Jesus, and reflect Him forever. To see Him, and have a life that matches by His power.

I was made to stand before Him, and declare His excellencies.... yet I know so little, experience so little, live so little. More! He said "seek and you will find" so I know He'll only give as far as I ask......

I want my life to be an altar, and His love a flame!!! - Lou Engle

My prayer for more, doesnt even have words. Ive just typed, erased, typed, erased. Maybe its something only my tears can pray.

Belief

I've been reading some amazing stuff from Bill Johnson, its giving me alot of insight into how God works with the supernatural.

At one point an old mentor of his reminded him of the times before he saw breakthrough, "He said that God has closed up the realm of the miraculous, not as a punishment, but to draw me into the desperation needed to maintain it as a lifestyle once I received the breakthrough. It was a long and painful lesson, but I got it." (Bill in his young life never saw God invade his surroundings with the supernatural, but he believed, contended for it, and now it is a normal part of his church to see people healed and delivered.)

I am tired of determining what I believe by my logic - I cannot rely merely on myself. I am also tired of determining what I believe by what I see or experience. The bottom line of reality is not me or my perceptions but God and His word!!! All throughout the Bible people walked by FAITH. I have stepped into a whole new arena of this in my life as God has challenged me to contend - pray - agree with Him for His will to be done "On earth as it is in Heaven"

Why pray if God already knows and has a will? Because of love and free will. Look at Moses - God wanted to wipe out the Israelites when they sinned - but Moses prayed and God changed His mind. All throughout the scriptures it has become clear to me God has chosen to flow through agreement/partnership with His bride because He loves us. He doesnt "need" me in Nepal or for anything in His kingdom, but He loves me and designed me to be part of His designs.

He promised Id be healthy, Ive experienced a partial breakthrough, but still struggeling. The intensity of the battles show me things are moving in the unseen. The fevers I had last week show me Im getting closer. I want to experience Him as healer so He can flow through me to others as healer.

I walk around and I see the "not yet" here in Nepal, people who say no to His love, the poverty, the brokeness. But I am confident of the unseen - because all Gods promises are as good as present. I choose to see Nepal through eyes of faith.

I still dont have all my support for being here, but I agree with Him, contend, pray, and wait for what is sure to show itself.

Bill J. said sometimes his prayers felt like pushing against an unbudging rock of a thousand pounds, and it never moving. But He said there was victory there because it prepared him to easily move the hundred pound rock beside it, in prayer!

Sometimes I go up on my roof and pray and I "hear" and "feel" nothing. silence. But I am ever confident He hears, He moves at the sound of my voice, and I will agree by faith even if He never gives me the priveledge of seeing breakthrough.

I understand because I believe, I dont believe because I understand.

I move forward in prayer and faith even when the only anchor I have is His word, and the darkness of the "not yet" stretches out before me.

More glimpses of life here...

The people are extravagent worshippers, I wait and hope for the day, they raise their hands to Jesus as King.

Here, among the poor, I am learning, simply to BE. all I have is His love and to offer my presence, a gift so small, but to my friends, it is enough. The layers of external pressures - to "do" - to accomplish, to climb the ladder, to validate myself, the insecurities and anxieties clammering in my ears... fade away... because all i have to do is to BE. to BE. to BE LOVED. loved by one person at a time. to receive, from Jesus, from these beautiful people...

funny stories...

*thats my Nepali sister. sometimes during dinner if i bring my camera things get a little out of hand.

*The other nite due to power outages, I was reading by candle lite. I was curled up in my bed with a book in one hand and the candle in the other (hey you have to get creative out here sometimes) when i decided to bend over and put something on the floor... just then i started to smell something funny and see a bright light out of the corner of my right eye - I LIT MY HEAD ON FIRE!!! I screamed and did an improv "stop, drop, & roll" only it was more like, "scream, profusely smacking my head and throwing myself into my pillow" to put it out. HAHAHHA it was pretty funny after the fact, and I only lost a small amount of hair off the bottom layers in the back of my head, I didnt burn any skin. (My roommate still thinks witnessing this was the funniest thing ever)

*one time one of us had super bad diarrhea and so we had to grab an emmergancy taxi (usually we ride public transportation for a few rupees) we all pile into the taxi, its amazing how many people you can fit in a few narrow seats in nepal. my favorite part was when our teammate who was having stomach issues goes, "I have to sit in the front by myself, if I sit on you I might poop on you!" HAHAHA. Or another time i had super bad diarrhea and ended up jumping off the tempo (public transportation, like a mini bus) sprinting across the road frantically looking for a bathroom in the dark. Yup. lets just say luckily I did find a bathroom. just in time and not a second later...

*apprently our ancient landlords best friend thinks he's a prophet. in fact he has said he is jesus. he makes some wild claims and he is "always right." one of them was declaring to our landlord that me and my roommates are american CIA and that we are undercover moles planted in nepal. (the terrible thing was our landlord believed him, got super worried about it, and called one of our supervisors) thankfully, i think the drama's died down at this point.

*WMF has a home for abandoned widows (where I volunteer every wednesday) and one of the little old ladies there claims to have a treasure buried at Swayambou. (a giant temple in our neighborhood) Whenever we see her she talks about it, describing the details in great glory. Sometimes she even drops her voice to a low whisper, because you know you cant talk about treasure without hushed tones. She usually asks us to take her away so she can get her treasure. (She cant walk) we smile and nod.

*The other nite me and Kelsey were walking in a downpour to her nepali family's place. I quite enjoy how dramatic we get about everything. Winding through a series of rainy dark alleys, we were inching along a brick wall at one point... when Kelsey goes "Watch out for this big puddle" (the alley was completely flooded) "there are rats in the water and Lela says its toilet water." (me) "Great! toilet water." (As I cant avoid stepping into the muddy mess to get to the other side.

or the other nite walking back from Biblestudy with Kara, "O my gosh, whats that!!!" (Kara starts to freak out and stands still in the road as two fighting dogs attack each other and come nearer growling) I picked up a brick "Dont worry Kara! Ive got a stone the size of that dogs head!!!" (the dogs eventually went away as we threw stones and kept walking)

just know that all our dramatic whining never materializes, all in all we always end up quite safe, maybe just a little wet and dirty. HAHHA i love being on a team of girls in Nepal.