learning from the poor

ive crossed a threshhold of solidarity.
i have lice.
haha, yes its true. before you freak out and start scratching yourself at the thought, rest at ease knowing its already been picked out & i got the shampoo and stuff. seems pretty normal here, ive been suprised none of my nepali family or friends thought i was gross. (im pretty certain i picked it up from the babies, they all have it)

on another note, ive been learning so much from life with the poor

privacy: the poor cannot afford privacy, i realized. its something we in the west have purchased, with our homes, garages, picket fences. In my alley all my friends and family see me come and go constantly. They ask me what I did with that friend, and why. Everybody knows my name. Their is a whole new sence of "my business" and "your business." At first it was annoying Ill admit, and even a little intrusive. I felt like people were always spying on me, or like I was constantly under a magnifying glass. Even when I go up on my roof to pray sometimes my landlord or his family comes up to watch. (I just keep reading and singing out loud now haha) But Ive slowly been coming to see things differently. My neighborhood isnt trying to pick me apart like a fly in bio. class.... rather they are wanting to enter into life with me. This is how they love. They are eager to know me, understand me, share my life. Once the scales fell off my eyes that their nosi-ness was their loving me, i felt ashamed at my previous irritation, and then pleasantly suprised. I am....wanted... genuinly wanted, in this community...

also, the poor dont seem to mind so much their lack of privacy. i think it adds to their community as i was writing above. Everything is out in the open. Everybody knows who beats whose wife, and who was out late drinking last night. Somehow I admire their transparency - they wear their brokeness and their need out on their sleeve. Their lives and struggles are too raw to hide, and all their energy goes into just getting by instead of putting on a good face for the neighbors.

And their generosity out of their brokeness and need constantly blows my mind. Im trying to learn to give, but none of my giving comes near theirs - for all their giving comes out of their lack. For instance the other day when my family found out I was thinking of buying a bucket with a lid on it (for water storage with the shortages here) they quickly offered me one of theirs. One of their buckets, from their few possessions, in their tiny house. I was deeply humbled, and again realized I have much more to learn and receive here than give... in fact im convinced the only thing i have to offer is.. my presence, just being ordinary me, hanging out, drinking tea, visiting, being a friend...and the love of jesus. its all i got.

I think im learning how to be myself here. sounds silly maybe, but aside from all the western pressure to rise the corporate ladder of wealth & comfort, and aside from the western christianity pressure to be better or have a big ministry... i am simply HERE. i am simply me. all i have is jesus, i make many many mistakes and most of the time im just trying to figure out how to be here, but its good. im learning, with the poor, i can just be myself. no one is asking me to try harder or be better. they just want a friend. maybe the only pressure here is myself, the voice in my head saying I have to learn Nepali better or be funnier or more outgoing... but im learning to just say no to those voices, let Jesus love me, receive from the poor, and let His love flow through... me simply being me.

CHOICES

So since i got here ive often pondered Gods words to me before i came - that He'd protect my health. I searched the scriptures continually to learn about Jesus as healer...

And here's a little of what im learning: God interacts with human beings through the supernatural on the basis of faith. (faith meaning a desire for, or agreement with God, belief. Im not talking about a "feeling" or something you muster up... faith is simply a choice to believe) Because God so honors our free will, because He wants a love relationship with us, he gives us promises and then waits for our agreement before He acts. Throughout the gospels before Jesus healed He asked things like "Do you believe" or "do you want to be healed?"

So I realized I had to agree with God to experience His word to me. Last week after another bout of diarrhea and vommiting I told the Lord I believe. I agree. He is ABLE to, and desires to heal me. My body belongs to Him because of the cross, I am His temple. Even though nothing "miraculous" happened that moment, no signs in the sky or angelic visitations... I chose simply to believe. I still felt quite ill but laid in my bed declaring alloud His authority over my body and my time here in Nepal. Interestingly enough since then I have had no diarrhea and my appitite has returned.

Yet 3 days ago I began struggeling with a chest cold and fevers, even up to 103... I had to go to the hospital yesterday, and im resting again. but i still believe. maybe He's testing my faith. One of my friends here told me God laid on her heart the story of shadrach, meshach, and abendigo for me: Before they went into the fire they told the king their God is ABLE to deliver, and even if He doesnt deliver, they wont bow down! YES! I wont bow down to unbelief. i wont bow to my experiences and say they are the bottom line of reality. Gods word is reality and "every word of the Lord proves true." I believe, even before I see it.

I have made my choice. Now its in His hands. I wont be put to shame.

Who is this Jesus?

God incarnate, Jesus, became a human, to reveal, himself.

A baby. tender. vulnerable. needy. small. real. with sences and hunger and pain and joy.

Jesus, with all the power in the universe, became small, came near.

He chose to reveal God, how?

MERCY. WEAKNESS. HUMILITY.

He was poor. a refugee. born to a single mother. lived under an oppressive government. no place to lay his head.

He is God, yet He went to the bottom rung of life to reveal Himself!

He chose unlearned simple men for his followers...

He spent His time with the poor. the forgotten. sinners. the needy. all the people who knew they needed help... like an adulterer. a samaritan woman. a cheat. a demonized demented wanderer. a pharisee by night. a poitical activist. a tax collector. a fisherman. Bcause He looked for those who knew they were needy, so He could offer them His transforming GRACE. He opposed those who figured they had it together with their riches and religion.

Did He come in pomp and glory and might? Did He overthrow the romans? Did He exalt Himself? automatically fix the universe? No. He became weak.

He came as a humble king, riding on a baby donkey into Jerusalem. He wept over the city. He showed Gods heart is vulnerable, because Gods heart is full of love.

He is exalted far above every name, and given the highest throne - why? Because He became the LOWEST. He came low, unto death. He loved unto death. He gave up everything to offer Himself to us, that we might choose to receive His magnificent love.

He kingdom is an upside down one. God turn me upside down.

A weekend up in the mt.s

So last weekend we took a rest by heading up into the mt.s for two nights. We rode on TOP of the bus (sitting on a rack with a bunch of Nepalese) up the mt.s and it was so much fun in the dark, with the wind, and winding roads. When we arrived a booming thunderstorm broke loose and we got drenched in the rain. Stumbling soaking wet into the gesuthouse we were exhausted, it was quite the adventure.

The weekend was an amazing time to just be with one another, unwind, and gaze at the beautiful scenery. One morning we woke up to see the sunrise and caught a glimpse of the mt.s barely emmerging from the heavy cloud cover. (Its not the season to see the mt.s just yet but we were lucky)

Heading back yesterday as I sat on top of the bus winding through the mt. roads I said to myself, "This is the Nepal I fell in love with!" Before me the beautiful emereld ricepaddies stretched out , dotted with little huts... Joy made my heart soar. I love Nepal!

FAITH

I have been astounded lately at the accounts of Jesus in Matt. 8.

Who is this Jesus?

He is WILLING to heal. He reaches out His hand to touch frail human beings

He is ABLE to heal. HE is mighty to deliver even the most broken or tormented soul.

He heals everyone who comes to Him.

YET. I notice God incarnate operates around one strict basis - the sacred human will. FAITH is the rule of interaction with the supernatural. Jesus loved to reveal who He is, yet He never manipulated, or overwhelmed with His power to stupify or force someone to believe. He revealed just enough of His power to clearly reveal He is God, yet became totally approachable, totally vulnerable, in human form, because He leaves it up to us how we will react to Him.

In the same way I feel like christians, (including myself in the past) have expected God to break in with power and "fix" all our problems. Heal that person. Fix that persons struggle. He is able, why not? Indeed He is able, but He works only on the basis of faith.

why? He wants love. only love, as his relationship with human beings. Love is a choice. He cannot heal or deliver or transform until the individual chooses to believe, and consents. Then He is willing to do all we cannot do for ourselves.

God grant me greater faith that I may give you greater consent to flow through my life!

Give me EYES to see Jesus

Someone asked me this week, "How do you see Nepal?"

perspective is everything. It determines how we live.

So I prayed into this one. Ironically my reading in Numbers fit perfectly; as I read the story of the Israelite spies coming into the promised land, and their reports. Ten had eyes of flesh - they saw the big walls, giants, and their own weaknesses - they saw themselves as grasshoppers. Joshua and Caleb had eyes of faith - they had a different spirit - they saw the land in light of Gods promise. They saw the great bounty, the flowing milk and honey, the sure victory.

So what "report" have I had about Nepal? If I look with eyes of flesh I see poverty, pain, dirt, and darkness. I see my own weakness. When I see with faith, I see His kingdom coming - I see a land full of extravagent worshippers - the Hindus know how to lavish love with a beautiful dedication of prayer and worship I barely grasp. I see these precious ones as being deeply loved by God, and as they receive revelation of Jesus - He will raise up a mighty mighty army here, they will stand faithful upon His return, with arms raised, asking Him to come and reign as King! I see a land beautiful, reflecting the glory of the Maker. I see a city, low, in a valley - awaiting the Living water, to flow down and fill, fill, fill, fill, overflowing with life.

I see Jesus here in Nepal, despite any darkness trying to linger. HE IS HERE. He is the LIGHT! "The darkness is passing away, the true light is already shining" - 1st John

May I have eyes of faith. Give me your perspective Jesus!

Im reminded of the scene in "The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" where the White Witch realized with horror that winter was fading in "her" land. Spring flowers were blooming, water dripped off the branches, snow was melting into the fresh soil and life was emmerging, everywhere she walked. ASLAN IS ON THE MOVE! In this ficticious scene, perhaps the Narnians were tempting to be distracted with the long winter past, or the oppression of the white witch. But why bother? Aslans on the move! Spring is emmerging! Forget the winter past! Look away from the snow! See the extrordinary birth of spring everywhere the King walks!

So I am in Nepal. The enemys had a false reign here long enough. But I wont walk around distracted by his plans for this land. The true King Jesus is on the move, and life and light are shining bright from this tiny Himilyan country!

Glimpses

Intercession

Its hard to believe im writing almost halfway through this trip in Nepal! Things are well from this side, how about yours? I pray for you all, nearly daily, with Paul’s prayers for the churches – and I know the Lord is revealing Himself and His kingdom to you.

God is challenging me as an intercessor here. Looking at Christ, who is the ultimate intercessor, He laid down His entire life for those He loves. In the same way God has been asking me if I am willing to be the flesh & blood answers to my own prayers. Its so easy to speak words to God, as mere well wishes – but the intentions of my heart are revealed in the measure of my willingness to carry these prayers into action!

The place I have been volunteering at, as service to the poor, is a government institution for abandoned children. The mornings I spend there I rock the babies, change diapers, and mostly do a whole lot of praying. Some days when I see the downside of institutionalized care, my heart breaks. The babies have enough to eat, and at least they have a place to sleep – but they are often dirty, suffering from sickness and lice, and aching for personal love and attention. The two precious Nepali women who work in the room I volunteer at – give their all tirelessly- even sleeping there. Yet there isn’t enough love to go around, simply because of lack of mothering figures present. So each morning I wrap my arms around their tiny frames, and hold them close - looking them in the eyes – and I am there to meet their need for love. God’s told me I am there as an intercessor, my touch and my words are my prayers. I often spend time with the babies I hold, reading scriptures over them and declaring the truth over their lives. I believe each of these precious ones will come into the kingdom someday, simply because God honors the prayers of His own!

Over the course of the last week God has challenged me on my intercession. He asked me how much I am willing to truly be an intercessor- how far will I go to answer my own prayers? He challenged me with the possibility of adoption. Am I willing? Not knowing the legistics of this possibility for my future, I realized God was laying a divine request before me: asking me to come into a new level of intercession by sacrifice. He exposed the shallowness of my prayers, when it came down to answering the requests I had voiced to God for restoration for the orphans. A thousand thoughts and doubts ran through my mind, at God’s challenge. What will this look like, how much will it cost? Im not married yet, and how can I provide a healthy home for a child? When does He want me to do this, and how many children? Im sure Mary had many similar feelings the moment an angel announced she was to carry Jesus! Yet she said yes, she trusted, and God came through for her. So one morning last week, as I walked to volunteer, I was pondering these things in my heart, and carefully chose my answer. Yes Lord, if you make a way for me, I will adopt. (When, I do not know, how, is beyond me!) All I know is, in that moment God took my “volunteering” and opened up my heart to be filled with His sacrificial love, so that it was then, true intercession. Since then Ive found Nepal is currently closed to adoption because of corruption issues in the government, but this is a journey I have stepped toward in my future.

God is also challenging me to have faith and believe the scriptures. Lately Ive been reading Matthew and I notice that everywhere Jesus went, He healed people! Then He commissions His disciples to go and do the same, as they preached the gospel – to demonstrate the kingdom and bring freedom! I believe God’s commission to His own today is no less, yet I often live as though the gospels are mere fables or oricles of the past. Jesus, the living breathing Word, is alive today and He remains the same: yesterday, today, and forever. So, I’ve been troubled a great deal by Christ’s commission, because I know I am powerless to carry it out unless His Spirit flow through me. Over and over I ask God to restore the babies I hold, bringing wholeness in their hearts and overcoming disabilities back into created order! I want to have a heart of faith that He will respond to.

God promised me His protection over my body these months while Im here in Nepal, as I prepared for the trip in prayer over New Years. I was curious why God promised me this, as I knew I had heard Him clearly. I always figured sickness was a natural part of adjusting into the third world, and inevitable. But God showed me He wants to change me heart. He wants me to believe He is powerful, and gracious enough – to protect me. Yet I have struggeled with sickness already – many days and nights of diarrhea and throwing up endlessly. (Why I cant seem to adjust to the third world is a great frustration to me) So I cried out to God and reminded Him of His promise! He told me He was allowing me to be tested, and showed me I didn’t truly believe He was able to heal. If I do not believe God can heal my own body – how can I ask Him to flow through me to heal the babies - or others I interceed for? I must first walk this road of intercession – to become a fit vessel of faith, for His power to flow through. I have repented of my unbelief, and I ask God to bring my experience up to the reality of scriptures, rather than judging my reality by my mere experience. I know of course, dear readers, that you all must have varied perspectives about healing – Im just sharing what the Lord has been teaching me. (I am not suggesting if any of you are sick that you have sinned or lack faith, the specific journey Im on has been one related to issues of my own heart. Please dont receive this as a message of shame over any of your health struggles, I am there with you.) All I know is, when I read about Jesus in the Bible, he heals. His name is Rapha. So I do believe, that God can and does heal today – the mysteries of this truth within the kingdom are something I am desperetly seeking to have revelation on!

I get excited for the day Jesus will reign as King upon His return! I have been reading Revelation from my rooftop, outloud, and gazing over the city I long for His return. One day soon He will COME, and restore created order and justice on this earth! May we be ready! May His grace prepare us to know what it means to “watch and pray” – being ready for His return!

Meanwhile life here is good. My Nepali family is great, lately we’ve taken to playing card games like Old Maid before dinner. Simple games are a great deal of fun, and tear down the language barrier with laughter. Ive gotten the chance to share the gospel with them through some Christian Nepali tracts, and meanwhile I pray and wait and learn to enter into life with them. Please pray God softens their hearts with the rain of His Holy Spirit, and brings good seed by revealing Jesus.

I finally bought a camera battery! So I will be posting pics on my blog from time to time, sorry about the lack of visuals the past few weeks! Well Im off, Maranatha!

chomein

I want to make more of an effort to blog, sorry about the total lack of news friends. i promise more posts the remaining months!

Here in the city they have something called "load shedding" which means power and water cuts rotating around the city. We only have a few cherished hours of electricity a day, and sometimes water off and on for weeks. Ive heard rumor the power cuts are increasing up to 20 hr.s without power a day! Right now we sometimes have more than four, so itll be tough. Ive been amazed at how little water one needs to get by. (Not for drinking - we buy that bottled) for bathing and laundry ive found it possible to go much longer than i imagined & still be fine! i typically bathe here once a week - a little tiny spicket in a closet at the end of my hall. if possible i wash up with water in between, and i wash my face every morning with the trickle from my faucet. if water is running i can splash it a bit on myself and use a bucket to get clean. laundry is another story haha...

ive had a great deal of trouble staying healthy, but yet im confident of Gods covering over my body. i am learning to be more careful where/what i eat. right now my stomach is rolling and ive had diarrhea all day bc yesterday i was visiting with a friend at little tea shop @ the bottom of our stairwell. i ordered veg. chomein and while eating it i observed the cook shopping raw bloody meat on the same dirty cutting board he was using to then chop vegtables to serve customers. uuugh, oops! lets just say "health code" doesnt translate into Nepali? i regretted the veg. i just ate and braced myself to be frequenting the bathroom... a few days ago i was struggeling w/ diarrhea all day & then emptying the contents of my stomach into the squatty toilet with a great deal of dizziness and misery. tonite i was lying in bed near tears in frustration with my weakness, but i choose to trust and keep declaring that my body is HIS and He will sustain me.

...regardless of any adjustments and difficulties i am unspeakably glad to be here. the kingdom of God is coming - soon Jesus will be king of Nepal - and i am here to prepare the way!

My language lessons are going well. being emmersed with our families has been a huge catalyst. every morning we spend time volunteering & afternoons servant team meets for lunch and language lessons. We study together with one tutor - so we are a learning community. this has been hard and good because we cannot learn at our own styles or paces, but together we must push forward! sometimes i find my Nepali flowing like a river at supper, and other times its like when i turn on my faucet in the morning on the roof...barely a trickle... but its coming!

One little one ive chosen to hold each day, breaks my heart. Her disabilities are pretty severe, i think due to lack of love. A friend told me a story about a similiar baby being adopted - who had no sight or hearing - and in 4 months her sences were restored simply bc of nurturing care. The development of a babies whole being is nurtured foremost by love, as well as good food, rest, and safe environment!

i pay close attention to this special little one every day im there. her little frame is usually curled up in a fetal position and the sisters often leave her alone bc she is so unresponsive and difficult. She becomes very anxious around others, grinding her teeth and turning her head side to side. Her eyes are vacant, staring off into the unseen world she lives in. (Sometimes when reality is too painful, one goes elsewhere in the mind, to numb the pain) She has lice and is rarely clean, its heartbreaking seeing institutionalized care!

Weeks ago i picked her up, determined to love her. The first time i held her, she screamed and writhed in my arms, and made faces at me when i kissed her. She would turn her entire head away from me, even though i held her towards my face.

but love is relentless. i dont have the kind of love that can heal her, but Jesus does. he indwells me and i hope and pray he will flow through me to her. Last week i tried a new tactic: a take at least an hour for every morning i volunteer - and hold her - praying sciptures over her. i pray for healing of her entire being and body. i declare gods truth and love over her. i claim her life for the kingdom. meanwhile i hold her in my arms,speaking truth alloud. i see God moving because she began to relax and fall alseep in my arms. Last friday she began to trust, and her limbs that are usually tense, she entirely relxed. Even her tiny hands she clenches in fists, i unwrapped and she slept. i hold her and lay my hands over her chest reading scriptures. i know she recognizes my touch now, and for the first time she turned her body towards my arms to be held. A few times, i couldnt be sure, but her vacant eyes looked into mine and i wondered if she recognized me.

she is like a tiny bud after a long, cold, bitter winter - tenderly blossoming - shyly - as the world was never a safe place - O may christs love pull her through to be raised up tall and strong in total freedom - O may she be free in love!