Hearing His voice

When a child is small, mother and father dictate a pretty regimented life to the little one, for structure and nurturing. When the child grows up into a young adult, mother and father step away to allow the child freedom to volunatrily choose what is right. If parents continued to tell a 14 year old what time their bedtime was, and to always eat the vegtables, the child would be stunted from lack of opportunity to mature into choosing what is good inependantly. so, as the child grows the parents step back to give them opportunity to excercise choice. Ive found following God's voice has been very similar.

When I first started to hear His voice, I mean truly hear Him, more than just about major life decisions - He really spoke with me. (This was the beginning of my internship in Cambodia, 2007) We conversed all day long, and He led me by the hand through every part of my day. Had He not done this I would not have survived that internship and left the field, or had a major breakdown. (I went through an incredible amount of sickness and warfare) God walked with me like a mother leads a child learning to walk. Yet, this year His voice changed, His presence didnt leave me but when I asked for guidance, He stopped dictating things for the most part and always said "you choose." I found this much much more difficult because it meant I had to do what was right. (Yes He still helps me in situations where I dont have enough wisdom to know what to do) but for every day things we converse over, He's left me to mature in love, to stand up and choose. He wants to see if my heart says "yes" even if there isnt a rule "keeping" me in place.

Its all about the heart, our love relationship with Him - its the thing that matters the most. I want Him to have all my heart. deeply i do. He has given all of himself for me, and He deserves all of me. His kingdom is so worth it. The kingdom coming so far surpasses this present, Id be a fool to not throw away everything for it. And when I lack the strength to give my all, I ask for grace that He'd help me choose Him and love Him more. O for the day when my heart would be wholly given, consistently, and expressed in love... I dont want to quench the Spirit! I want to agree! I want my money and speech and time and affections to agree! I want to be on board with His kingdom ways and leadership so Ill understand and agree when He sets up His kingdom.