Heart Break...

"But if you seek the Lord your God, you WILL FIND HIM IF YOU LOOK FOR HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND ALL YOUR SOUL..." Deu. 4:29

Im doing a study throughout the entire Bible of every reference of the "heart." Since New Years God said one main thing, He keeps saying, "I want your heart." Indeed He does, He shed His own blood and gave His life to have me. At first I'll admit this confused me, and every time the Holy Spirit repeated this to me, I didn't get it. I thought He had my whole heart, I wasnt clear on what the "heart" was, and I thought He meant my feelings towards Him. I love God, I love to worship Him, and I have emmense emotions after the Lord.

But throughout the year this running theme has begin to lead me into the scriptures and His word paints an entirely different summary of the "heart." It is the center of our lives and the guiding controls for all our decisions. All our affections, attractions, appitites, ect. come from the state of the heart. Our giving and speech and finances comes from the heart. Sin like pride, lust, hate and other vices are only fruits out of a heart concealing darkness. The inclination of the heart can be toward hardness, or tenderness, willingness toward the Holy Spirit. When God has our "heart" He's got it all. Since God is one, He calls us also into wholehearted devotion - lest our love be merely fragments or emotionally driven whims.

Since God is calling me into consistent, mature love - its got to be practical, its got to be reflected in all of the fruits that come out of my heart. So Im asking Him to consecrate my heart. Its so difficult and painful because Im realizing how much Ive kept aspects of my finances, affections, appitites, and speech for myself... but how much longer? I cannot bear it, I feel like the Holy Spirit has driven me to choose - one way or the other - and no longer anything in between - whom will I serve? If I am double minded in my heart than I cannot love God or be in fellowship with Him. Im stepping into a terribly painful season, but pray that God would continue to break my heart so I will no longer be half hearted any longer, but love Him with all I am, as I was designed to.