Since flying stateside from Cambodia, the whole experience felt blurry, like I was wading through a giant "why?" or "what the heck was that all about?" But I dont feel like that anymore. I know I will probably continue to receive revelation on that time, for years to come... but for now His perspective is simple, and very clear.
So what was internship all about for me?
It was a test. It was a gift. It was a time to reveal to my heart who Jesus is within me.
I have reconciled that although American culture usually equates hard = bad... in the values of God's kingdom, its the more difficult seasons of our lives that yeild the most precious gems.
I learned that in the middle of chaos, disorder, suffering, or great darkness - I remain UNMOVED because of the presence of the LordJesus with me.
As for my question, "why was it so difficult?" - I realized the reason God allows us to face challenges is because He is absolutely confident of Christ within us, and He reveals His absolute trustworthiness through the tight spots He takes us through.
He taught me to hear His voice and walk in faith in what He says.
He taught me who I am in Him, by allowing everything about me to be tested. He is the only one who can call forth our identity, and keep it.
His indwelling peace and righteousness and authority are as unchanging as eternity, and as surely as He IS, so also am I, unmoved.
He knew that it was no danger to put Daniel in the lion's den, or shadrach in the fire, bc He knows His own, and keeps them. So also He didnt hesitate to allow me to be tested because He keeps me in His power.
When everything is stripped away, my confidence, my comfortable surroundings, and Im in fire or darkness or storm.... my one unshakable confidence is the indwelling presence of Jesus, and the comforting voice of the Holy Spirit to guide me. That is a rock I stand on forever.
I am a gem forged in darkness,
gold refined by fire,
unmoved, in Him.
This was a lesson worth learning.
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