The Cross

Im realizing one of the most profound lessons of internship has been about the cross & the kingdom. Major paradigm shift.

Short version of the shift: I realized I am not the world's savior, healer - through a painful journey of failure - to finally see Christ has already brought restoration to the world - thus finding my place in His Kingdom in rest, and joy, declaring the "already" in a lifestyle of active intercession.

Long version of the shift: When I first arrived in Cambodia, I had a pretty different perspective. It probably starts back when I traveled to Nepal as a young fourteen year old. I was radically exposed to suffering, and the reality of our world's vulnerables there. It left me heartbroken. A good thing right - to be compassionate? Yes, but in my immaturity, I began to form a mindset that all this brokeness was somehow my job to fix. It became my own “burden.” I wanted to offer healing, set the wrong things right, usher in justice, and ignite light where there is darkness. This was a good and valid desire, but it seemed a burden to heavy for my frame. I expected myself to be some kind of Christ. I tried to shoulder the task of changing people, changing societies, changing the world - and even changing myself. Yet I found within myself an inability... so profoundly... yet my understanding of the Christian "task" remained unchanged, so what was I to do?

Living in Cambodia this desire for restoration culminated one day when I was going through the peak of culture shock. I came home that evening and shut myself in the prayer room, got on my face and wept. All the injustice and suffering that I saw every day felt like it was crushing my heart, and I felt helpless, I felt like a failure.

In that moment, God exposed my false paradigm. He needed to bring me to a place so openly broken that I would completely fail at "fixing" anything or anyone. I had to be brought to a point of total ruin - before I could see the magnitude of who CHRIST already is. In that place, my heart burst wide open with revelation of a salvation far greater than I ever imagined...

It was then that Jesus revealed to me that what He bore at the cross ran much deeper than the magnitude of my own sins, He also bore the weight of every system of corruption, every war, genocide, the pain of slavery and selfishness - history itself - all upon Himself - taken into His very own body - and He rose again, victorious, and WON. Yes, He won. It is ALREADY ACOMPLISHED, and although I live in tension of seeing it come to pass, I live in rest.

I realized I am not - and never will be the world’s healer. “I am not the Christ” as John the Baptist said. My place in this epic story is to only declare the “already” restoration of Jesus. I can whisper to others, “Run to Jesus, see how He already bore your brokenness, He will heal you, beloved.” I can shout to the nations, “He is alive! He is victorious king! He is returning with a scepter of justice!” My perspective radically changed, I have hope. The burden is lifted from my shoulders, and cast at the foot of an empty cross, a finished work, a victorious feat of the King.